Abortion Hurts Fathers

The following excerpt is taken from the book Redeeming a Father’s Heart and clearly illustrates how impacting an abortion is on men, the oft forgotten victims of abortion


“I left the Air Force in 1993, returned to my home town and got a job in retail. I soon ran into Andrea, a childhood friend whom I hadn’t seen in years. She had just moved back from New York and had a five-month-old daughter named Kelly. Andrea and I started hanging out together and our relationship quickly became sexual. I bonded well with Kelly and before long, we decided to get an apartment together.

            “It didn’t take long for me to realize I enjoyed family life, so I asked Andrea to marry me, and she agreed. We didn’t make much money, but I worked hard to support Andrea and Kelly and was getting frequent promotions at work. Then on e day I came home from work and Andrea told me she was pregnant. I was thrilled! Kelly was almost three years old and now she’d have a baby brother or sister. I told everyone in my family and at work that I was going to be a daddy.

            “At first, Andrea seemed happy about the pregnancy. But after a few weeks, things started to change. She was saying things like, “I’m not sure if we’re ready for another child,” and “We can’t afford to have a baby right now.” I tried to assure her that we’d be fine. I offered to get a second job so I could better support her and the kids. But her doubts and fears increased and finally she told me she was considering abortion. Suddenly, I felt terrified. I had never given much thought about abortion and hadn’t even considered the possibility of abortion our own child. For me, that just wasn’t an option. I was excited about being a father and didn’t want to lose this child.

            “Our discussions turned into arguments. Our arguments turned into fights. It was impossible to have a civilized conversation about it. We were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Every time I tried to plead with her to keep our child, she would tell me it wasn’t my decision…that it was her body and her choice. I even offered that if she just had the baby, then I would raise it on my own. I became so desperate that I went to a lawyer to see if I could stop her. Unfortunately, he told me there was no legal action I could take. As a father, I had no rights until the child was born. I thought it was iron that man could go to jail for not paying child support, but could do nothing to protect his unborn child.

            “It was on February 25th, 1995 that my life changed forever. Andrea had gone to the clinic and had the abortion while I was at work. The last thing I remember after hearing the news was lying in the parking lot of a bar screaming at the top of my lungs.

            “The next several months were just a blur. Andrea and I didn’t talk for a long time, and when we did, the conversations were heated. But somehow we worked things out and I moved back in with her. But things would never be the same. I started having anger issues, had trouble staying focused on my job and would often break down and cry from depression. Andrea also seemed depressed at times and started exhibiting reckless behaviors. Eventually our relationship collapsed and she moved out.

            “My depression was getting worse and I was angry all the time at everything and everyone. I was drinking heavily and started using drugs. I was having trouble sleeping at night and my job performance began to suffer. I was stricken with panic attacks that seem to come for no reason and without warning. I decided to see a psychiatrist before I lost all control. He identified that fact that my problems stemmed from the abortion, diagnosed me with sever depression and borderline psychosis, and prescribed medications for depression, anxiety and sleeplessness.

            “All the medications seemed to just cloud my head instead of making me feel better, so I continued using illegal drugs and alcohol on top of the medications.

            “Finally, I reached a point where I felt there was no hope. I figured no one would ever understand, that I must be crazy for even feeling a sense of loss, and that I would never get better. Life was no longer worth living. So I sat at my dining room table with the last bottle of sleeping pills I had. “This will be easy” I thought to myself. I would just swallow these pills, lay down, fall asleep and never wake up.

            “I poured the pills into my hand and as I raised them to put them in my mouth, I was suddenly overcome by a feeling of intense warmth over my entire body and complete peace. My mouth was open and my hand was only a few inches away, yet there I sat, frozen, staring at the wall. All of a sudden, with an earthquake-like shudder, the pills flew out of my hand and I collapse to the floor sobbing like a child. For the next 45 minutes or so, I laid there on the floor crying, trying to figure out what had just happened. Then, in a moment, I felt compelled to grab the phone book. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I flipped it open and right there on the first page I came to was an ad with large print asking if I was ‘Looking for a new home?’ It was an ad for a church.

            “I started going to church services every Sunday and absorbed everything I could about God’s love, mercy and grace. I didn’t like the way the medications made me feel, so without my psychiatrist’s permission, I took myself off the meds. I also quit using drugs and was able to cut back drinking to a responsible level. I came across a book … called Men and Abortion: A Path to Healingby Dr. Catherin Coyle. Here was someone who knew exactly what I had been through and I discovered that I wasn’t alone. There were other men, just like me, who had walked this path before, which was very helpful to my healing.


One Response

  1. […] exerpt taken from the book Redeeming a Father’s Heart.  If you haven’t already, read this post for more on how abortion affects […]

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